Sammy was a bit of a late bloomer. Maria, his mother, spent a lot of time helping him with the kindergarten readiness activities, but she wasn’t sure if he was really prepared. The morning of the first day of school was a whirlwind for the family. Maria dropped Sammy off with a kiss, then made her way to work, where she worried about him off and on all day.

While many of us focus on the basics of letter and number recognition or reading skills, kindergarten readiness encompasses more than a few isolated skills. We need to look at the whole child and all the skills and strengths each child has developed. That’s what makes them unique. As an example, Sasha may love books and have exceptional reading abilities, but she struggles with shyness that prevents her from engaging with other children. Joshua might be very strong socially but still has difficulty holding and using a pencil correctly. Emma can do both these things, but she can be very silly and wiggly and gets distracted in group settings. Despite these differences, all of these children are ready for school.

Here are some tips to help you prepare your child for Kindergarten:

• Help him to develop independence at home. Encourage your child to dress himself, take his coat on and off and hang it up, use the bathroom without assistance and wash his hands without constant reminders, and put on his own shoes. Provide serving spoons so your child can serve himself at the table and clear his own dishes. These skills will take him from the coatroom to the lunchroom and beyond.
• Focus on self-help skills. Your child should know how to wipe her face after lunch without prompting and blow her nose without assistance. But be sure she is also comfortable asking an adult for help when necessary.
• Teach responsibility. Start transferring small responsibilities over to your child, if you haven’t already. After a family trip to the pool, you might put your child in charge of emptying the backpack, refilling the water bottles, or hanging up his wet swimsuit. Even when it may be easier for you to complete these tasks, let him accept the responsibility.
• Develop and follow routines. Set up morning routines that will transfer into a school setting. Getting up around the same time every day, getting dressed, and having an early breakfast together is a great way to transition to school.
• Read aloud to your child. Get your child a library card, take her to the library to check out books, and be sure to read to your child every day. Read a variety of books, read the captions under pictures in the newspaper, even share the comics. Just read!
• Engage her in meaningful literacy activities. Encourage your child to help you with thank you cards, shopping lists, or notes. They may start with scribbles or pictures, move into scattered letters, and finally some recognizable words as they enter school. Appreciate their attempts and watch their skills develop with practice.
• Acknowledge his feelings. Avoid talking about school too much, or wait until the end of summer is near. Your child may express being nervous, not wanting to go or, alternately, feeling very excited to start school. Whatever they feel, take time to appreciate where they are.

Rather than worry about whether your child is ready to read and write, think about his or her skills as a whole. What can they do well that will help them succeed? The quiet child who has reading abilities will find her way to the social butterfly that needs help writing his name. The silly, wiggly child will find a spot as the classroom helper. Rest assured, they will all navigate kindergarten together.

Tracy Galuski is an associate professor and mentor at Empire State College where she shares her experiences as a mother, teacher, and child care administrator with her early childhood students. She teaches online courses in child development and classroom environments.

Reading is an essential foundational skill for all children.

Teaching reading is more, however than teaching a specific set of reading strategies. Reading comprehension is a complex process that involves knowledge, experience, thinking, and teaching.

Teachers and parents need to look at the holistic child. Working on self-esteem and confidence is critical and the results will be evident in children’s reading and comprehension.

If children are to become thoughtful, insightful readers, they must merge their thinking with the text, beyond a superficial understanding. Comprehension involves readers thinking about what they are learning, not just what they are reading. This might mean understanding a message beyond the literal meaning of a text; for example, The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister. The underlying message is the importance of sharing and friendship.

I have pulled together my most effective strategies and tips for parents. This article contains pre-reading activities and strategies that focus on building the child’s confidence, exposure, and understanding.

It is important that children see themselves as a reader – and have the knowledge that they can be a reader. Confidence is essential to achieve this.

The comprehension elements that we will be working towards are:

Before reading:

• Prediction

During Reading:

• Visualization
• Making connections
• Questions

After Reading:

• Determining the main idea
• Summarizing
• Checking predictions
• Making judgments

As with all learning, children must have fun and feel supported. All the activities and strategies I outline take this important consideration into account.

Parents play a critical role in modeling language use and reading behaviors to children. You can:

• Model useful ways of using language
• Explain the meaning and purpose behind activities
• Demonstrate the use of problem-solving activities
• Ask questions to aid comprehension
• Pause to allow your child time to think and express their ideas
• Offer new content relevant to the theme unfolding
• Build on your child’s interests, and
• Create opportunities for discussion

Parents as Children’s First Teacher

Throughout this book, you will notice that some of the chapters have lists of learning stages. These lists give an overview only. All children learn at different rates and through different methods. These stages are to be used as guides only. Speak to your preschool teacher if you have any concerns.

I encourage you to set aside family time to read and incorporate reading comprehension activities into your daily routines.

Through listening and providing encouragement, you build your child’s confidence and interest in reading. Start with short picture books or books with a catchy repetitious phrase to give your child a sense of achievement. For example, “Run, run as fast as you can. You can’t catch me. I’m the Gingerbread Man.” You should also allow your child to choose books that interest them.

Sit side by side, as close as possible so that you can share the book together. Your child is the reader and it is your role to encourage and provide support where necessary. Your child holds the book so, at their own pace, they can:

• Look at the pictures
• Spend time problem solving, and
• Move to the next page.

Read to your child every day simply for enjoyment. I would also encourage you to read every day yourself, in order to provide a good role model for your child.

When you are reading with your child, it is important that you point to the corresponding words to assist your child with the association. Ask open-ended questions to encourage discussion.

Encourage your child’s questioning. This is both understanding questions with ‘who’, ‘what’, ‘where’, ‘when’ ‘why’ and ‘how’ and being able to ask questions containing those words. Describing things and grouping them develops the language of classifying. Keep answering your child’s questions, even if they have asked them many times before. Sometimes you can see if they can answer their own questions. Ask for your child’s opinion and, eventually, the reasons behind that opinion.

You should guide your child to provide detailed descriptions when they talk. Prompters include:

• Size
• Shape
• Color
• What things feel like, and
• For what purpose things are used.

Help your child expand their vocabulary and practice remembering the names of everyday objects. You can make up games, like snap or memory, to help. This can be as simple as asking your child to name the items in the shopping trolley when shopping or, while they are getting dressed, asking them to name the items of clothing as they put each one on.

Telling stories gives a sequence of events and encapsulates a beginning, middle, and end. Similarly, by re-enacting or re-telling a story, children are required to remember the sequence.

When you select books for your preschool child, consider enjoyment, as well as developing reading skills. Favorite topics and special interests, such as bears or dinosaurs, will keep your child’s interest. It is also important to introduce other topics to increase your child’s understanding of the world.

Books with repetition and rhyme help children build their language skills and allow children to predict what will happen next.

Choose books with clear illustrations so that children can tell the story for themselves, even from an early age.

Finally, allow your child to handle and care for books. Children’s first experience of reading should be fun and enjoyable for both of you. Children need to be supported with realistic expectations to be able to build their confidence for future reading. You need to avoid putting pressure on your child to have specific reading skills before entering school. I encourage you to have conversations with preschool teachers for guidance and support.

Encouraging Reading, Writing and Learning Behaviors

An essential foundational component of all reading comprehension strategies is to encourage reading, writing and learning behaviors in children.

The main goal is that your child will see themselves as a reader. As part of this, they will show enjoyment and demonstrate a willing attitude to read. Children must be able to talk about reading and the reading process as well as demonstrating an understanding that reading has a purpose.

This will shape learning behaviors that will equip your child to be a critical reader and discern meaning from texts before, during and after the reading experience.

These analytical skills will enable your child to identify connections between texts and their own life experiences. She or he will ultimately be able to apply a range of strategies that are used by “good readers” and locate and read texts that appeal to them individually.

The critical element is to make sure your child is having fun while reading. You can install in your child that reading is an enjoyable experience. By doing this, you are building fundamental behaviors that will establish competent lifelong readers.

Book Discussion

The ‘Ask More’ Method

Book discussion is an excellent way to ascertain your child’s comprehension. This can be at any stage of reading a book:

• Before you start reading; after your child has seen the cover and you have read the title
• After you read each page or at any relevant juncture within the story
• Upon completion of the book
• After some time has passed
• Upon subsequent readings

I use what I like to call the ‘Ask More Method’. Essentially I find that the more you ask, the more children will be challenged to think about their understanding of the book and further demonstrate their comprehension. If you are reading as a family, it also aids comprehension as the children are listening to each other’s answers.

‘Ask More Method’ questions can be as wide-ranging as you like. It can be a useful engagement technique to shape questions that are relevant to your child’s current interests.

Calibrate your questions to suit the abilities of your child and the stage of their education. You can expect more detailed answers as time progresses. Follow direct-answer questions with open-ended questions.

Some ‘Ask More Method’ examples to get you started are:

• What do you think the book is about? Why do you think that?
• What will you tell your siblings/friends/ nanna about it?
• Tell me about your favorite part.
• What didn’t you like about the book?
• Did anything in the book make you feel happy/sad/ frightened?
• Which character in the book did you like?
• Where did that character live or what were they looking for?
• How would you feel if something happened to you like [X]?
• Did you hear any rhyming words in the story?

Tips on how to read to your children

Many parents hold concerns or are unsure how best to read books to their children. Here are some of my tips:

• Choose a special time each day for reading; for example, bedtime.
• Children enjoy stories and books about other children and events that are relevant to their lives; for example, the arrival of a new sibling.
• Before reading the book, talk about the book – its title, the pictures, what your child thinks it might be about.
• Share your child’s enjoyment of the story. Make the book come alive with different voices, facial expressions, actions, tempos, and tones. Stop and ask questions about the story to allow your child to predict what will come next.
• Take the opportunity to practice critical thinking and problem-solving. For example, what would your child have done in the same situation as the character?
• Allow your child to interrupt and ask questions. This is a good opportunity to research with your child to find the answer.
• Invite your child to read the story to you – it will not be word-for-word, but you might be surprised by how much they can recall!
• After reading the book, encourage discussion. This could involve reading or look through the book again.

Reading Aloud

Reading aloud is a powerful strategy for reading comprehension and one that I feel is vital for establishing children’s lifelong living skills. By reading aloud, you are conveying a connection between the written and spoken word.

It is important to have read the book beforehand. This helps ensure that when reading it to your child it flows with appropriate tone and volume of voice. It should be dramatized using different voices for each character.  This way you hold your child’s attention and interest throughout.

Shorter books can be read through a second time, enabling a discussion about relevant concepts and themes. A second reading also allows you to gauge your child’s recall and comprehension.

By retelling or role-playing the story they have listened to, children demonstrate their comprehension. Ask your child to recall the sequence of events; the beginning, middle and end of the story.

Paraphrasing

Encourage your child to develop the skill of paraphrasing, as this will quickly demonstrate their comprehension levels. This could be as simple as asking her/him to put a story that has been read to them into their own words.

You can promote this by posing open-ended questions.

Paraphrasing can be based on a written story, as well as aided by pictures in books, or by using catchy rhymes. A picture book without words can inspire children’s imaginations when they retell the story in their own words.

Another method is to encourage conversations related to the book – this can be consolidated by a second reading of the book.

Book Experiences

Choose books that are in good condition. This helps children learn to respect and look after the books and enjoy them more. Teach your child suitable places to keep a book, for example; a bookshelf. It disappoints me when people give children old books because their expectation is that because they are little they will tear them. It is so important to teach children to respect books from a young age.

You can work with your child to make their own books. This could be through photos, paintings, or on a computer or tablet device – there are so many options!

My class and I made a book called “How the kangaroo learned to jump”. We researched the attributes of a kangaroo, its tail, its shape etc. Each child suggested ways that the kangaroo could move. First the kangaroo tried to swim, then he tried to walk, he tried to climb a tree, climb into an airplane etc. until eventually he learned to jump. Each child illustrated their own page and wrote their name as author and illustrator. We laminated each page and bound it as a book. It was the prized book on the bookshelf throughout the year and very well read.

Also keep in mind that the books we think are enjoyable are not necessarily the ones your child will prefer. Children, like adults, have their favorites. I’m sure we all have experience of children wanting the same book every day.

As a parent, you have the opportunity to expose your child to a variety of book experiences. These can include, but are not limited to:

• Library time
• Independent reading
• Social reading
• Reading for fun
• Reading for facts
• Rest time reading

Make sure you visit the library. Consider going to the big library in the city as well – all libraries are different and different things appeal to different children.

If your child likes books by a particular author, then research that author (or illustrator). This can be a fun way to introduce the concept of an “author” and “illustrator” to your child. You can aid this experience by showing a photograph of the author. If you create your own books, this concept is reinforced by putting your child’s name and photo as the author.

For 3-year-olds, choose books that:

• Gradually increase the number of words and sentences
• Play with rhymes and patterns in stories
• Show familiar events and start to look at the wider world
• Have pictures illustrating the words – these show different emotions, including early humor.

For 4 and 5-year-olds, choose books that:

• help children think about how and why things happen
• have different types of pictures to help children look at the detail
• provide information about going to school and making friends
• introduce short chapters (for 5 years and older)
• can be fictional, factual, humorous or imaginative.

Children develop and learn differently and this, as well as your child’s interests and abilities, should be considered carefully when choosing books.

Using Your Community and Surroundings

An important way to encourage reading and reading comprehension is by leveraging your surroundings.

Some of my favorite ways are listed below:

• Display drawings and ask your child to describe them.
• Make a daily weather picture chart: cut out pictures of people in different clothes from catalogs. Each day, talk about what the weather will be like and have your child select a suitable picture to stick to the weather chart.
• Attend a local library for storytime sessions.
• Collect fall leaves and paste them onto a tree that you’ve drawn. Use this to then talk about leaf colors, shapes and textures.
• Make a food scrapbook from catalogs. Your child can draw a heart on all the food they’ve tried and liked, a question mark on the food they haven’t tried yet and a cross or sad face on the food they’ve tried at least twice and really don’t like. This activity is great for vocabulary extension as well as comprehension.
• When you visit the grocery store take a shopping list of what you need. Refer to the signs above the aisles and point out the words. Encourage awareness of the labels (words and numbers) on the shelves. It can be a useful exercise to look for cereals and similar products that the children will readily identify from home. You could also make a visual shopping list for your child. Shopkeepers are usually quite patient about serving and receiving money from their little customers.
• Point out road signs when you are out and about.
• Photo representations alongside words for the daily routine encourage improvements in comprehension; for example, “we eat breakfast before we brush our teeth”. Ask questions regarding the routine; for example “What do we do next?” or “What do we do before lunch?” This will give an indication of your child’s comprehension of the day’s routine.

The key is really exposing your child to the written word in as many scenarios as possible. Within your conversations with your child and through recalling experiences, you can gain an insight into your child’s understanding.

Attention and Concentration Skills

To ascertain your child’s attention and concentration skills, it is essential to first determine if there are any hearing or visual concerns. This is critical.

Throughout the day there are ample opportunities to develop and assess how your child is concentrating and attending to a task. It is helpful to consider the following areas:

Is your child:

• Listening to speech?
• Understanding spoken information and instructions?
• Recognizing rhyming words?
• Speaking (using words, sentences, and conversations)?
• Asking and answering questions?
• Following instructions?
• Talking with clear pronunciation?
• Recognizing the difference between words and pictures?
• Drawing and attempting to write (e.g. their own name)?
• Aware that letters in the alphabet have sounds and names?
• Aware of the difference between letters and numbers?
• Problem-solving, and displaying curious and deep thinking?
• Confident and emotionally ready for trying new things?
• Independent with self-help skills?
• Using fingers and hands precisely?
• Completing a set task with the desired outcome?

Visual Discrimination

A child’s ability to visually discriminate will impact upon their ability to attain reading competence.

There are much fun and engaging visual discrimination activities and strategies that your child will love. My favorites are puzzles, matching activities, and visual aids.

The purpose of practicing visual discrimination skills is to build your child’s eye for detail through pre-reading activities. It will also help build their confidence.

When children are solving puzzles, they can describe what they are actually doing with the puzzles. Start at the left-hand side of the puzzle to familiarize your child with directional reading.

Activities that require sequencing or building a story with pictures are extremely beneficial. These activities can be self-correcting activities too.

Auditory

Language is both spoken and heard. Understanding sounds and blends is a critical aspect of reading comprehension. This also refers to articulation and pronunciation. Awareness of sounds we hear and the sound of words helps link to the printed word.

Speaking aloud, singing, finger plays, poems, and rhymes provide opportunities for children to enjoy the sound of language.

Have fun with sounds – exaggerate them! I find sounds that animals make are always popular with children.

It is important your child can differentiate between similar sounds, such as ‘stop’ and ‘shop’.

Part of understanding sounds is developing listening skills. One good way to do this is to develop a sound tape that accentuates different sounds. You could use animal sounds or household items (for example bells, whistles or keys), the content doesn’t matter; the point is to get your child ready to hear the differences.

A child’s ability to listen will depend on their concentration, their maturity and sometimes their ability to hear. If you are concerned, a hearing check may be warranted. A speech professional can also determine if it is due to your child’s ability to process instructions.

Songs, rhymes, and listening games are all important tools to develop auditory skills. Rhyming books allow children to predict what will happen next in a story. Playing with rhymes helps your child practice sounds.

A great activity is to go on a listening walk with your child to discover how many sounds you can hear outside. Afterward, you can discuss or draw what was heard.

Below are some of my tried and tested examples of sounds that are fun to recite with children:

• Ants on the apple; a-a-a
• Balls are bouncing; b-b-b
• Caterpillars coughing; c-c-c
• Dolls are dancing; d-d-d
• Eggs in the eggcup; e-e-e
• Flies are flying; f-f-f
• Goats are giggling; g-g-g
• Helicopters hovering; h-h-h
• Iguanas itching; i-i-i
• Jelly beans jumping; j-j-j
• King kicking a kettle; k-k-k
• Lions licking lollipops; l-l-l
• Monkeys munching; m-m-m
• Nanna’s nearly ninety; n-n-n
• Old orange octopus; o-o-o
• Popcorn are popping; p-p-p
• Queens are waiting quietly; q-q-q qu-qu-qu
• Robots are racing; r-r-r
• Sausages sizzling; s-s-s
• Tigers are tiptoeing; t-t-t
• Up umbrella; u-u-u
• Violets in vases; v-v-v
• Wibble wobble walrus; w-w-w
• Oxen on the box; x-x-x
• Yak is yawning; y-y-y
• Zigzag zebras; z-z-z

Fine Motor

Fine motor pre-reading activities prepare children’s fine motor skills for the concept of reading; for example, turning the page. Turning one page at a time is a fundamental concept for interacting with books and is learned very quickly with opportunity and experience.

Start with books that have big, thick cardboard pages and then, as your child becomes more dexterous, you can use normal paper pages.

Incorporate visual assistance by pointing to words or pictures as you are reading.

For variety, use a tablet device to make up a story. Your child can use a stylus, which will help with a pencil grip. This will cover many essential skills – finger control, eye/hand coordination and learning the concept of using a tablet device.

Fine motor activities that develop requisite skills include:

• Playdough
• Threading
• Drawing
• Painting
• Cutting
• Pasting
• Crafts
• Puzzles
• Manipulative toys; for example, small Lego

Children soon learn to distinguish between their drawings and their writing, whether it is scribble or letter-like marks, as they experiment with writing.

Writing

Writing is a creative, as well as physical, activity.

To prepare children for writing I like to use the following activities:

• Drawing
• Dramatic areas
• Name writing
• Painting
• Science experiments
• Cooking
• Play dough

Creating Books

One fun activity involves making your own books, allowing your child to decide on the content of their book. Once the book is written, your child can make up questions that they would like to pose to the audience. For example “What animal is in my book?”

Creating books is not limited to drawing; other creative art forms and photographs can be used as well.

Dramatic Areas

Dramatic areas are a fabulous way to engage children and develop a variety of skills. Let’s use the example of a restaurant. Children can be involved in writing the recipes, the menus and pretending to write down the orders. Cooking books and different styles of menus can be used as a guide to writing their own.

Conversation

As a parent, we need to engage our child in conversations with other children and adults. You can encourage conversations with these activities below during playgroup or when your child is with their cousins or neighbors.

Some activities to encourage and facilitate conversations are:

Dramatic role play experiences:

For example using puppets made from socks, paper bags, stick puppets, hand or finger puppets. Children provide speech for the puppets. They can make up their own stories or play the part of their favorite character. When your child plays with another child or adult using puppets, they can have conversations and experiment with different voices.

Construction (for example, blocks, Lego, Duplo, construction kits):

You and your child can work together and talk about the design and plans for their construction.  Together you can draw the sequence of steps on paper, either at the beginning or end of the construction (Tip: Avoid interruptions during the creative phase.)

At the end of the activity, you can converse with your child by asking open-ended questions.

Cooking

Cooking is an engaging, non-threatening method to encourage reading comprehension, while at the same time teaching math fundamentals.

One strategy is to commence with a set recipe and read the recipe with your child. The recipe can have visual representations to aid understanding.

You can then gain an understanding of their comprehension by questions such as: “What ingredients do we need for this recipe?” At the same time, they are given a measure of responsibility as they select the actual ingredients.

For those children that demonstrate developed comprehension skills, the concept of numbers can be introduced and gauged by their response to directions, for example: “Can you get three eggs please?”

This activity allows your child to see the written word and understand that there is a relationship with the cooking you are undertaking together.

In some ways, cooking can be easier to comprehend than a book. Simple procedures can be broken up into sections and most children’s cookbooks have illustrations, which makes them more accessible and engaging.

The cookbook will also typically have a photo of the finished product so that your child can see what they are working towards.

The best part is that your child can enjoy the fruits of their labor! Use this relaxing and enjoyable time to pose further comprehension questions, such as: “What did the recipe tell us to do?”

It will be more challenging if you facilitate the conversation before you undertake the construction. Children need to be confident and competent in their thought processes to articulate the planning and design; for example, “What are we going to build?” or “How are we going to build the boat?”

Social play experiences:

Children can be engaged in conversations through games organized by adults as well as those they initiate themselves; for example, children might organize a tea party in the garden. This setting facilitates all kinds of dialogue.

Another example is conversations within the routines of the day. What do we need to set the table for dinner?

Routines

I like to use daily routines to enhance children’s comprehension skills.

I use photos with a description underneath to demonstrate the sequence in routines, so that the children comprehend the visual elements. A good example is a routine of washing their hands.

My favorite method, however, is using a visual schedule or diary of your day, displayed from left to right. This helps children comprehend what is happening now, and what is happening next throughout their day. This can be related to reading a book for comprehending and sequencing a chain of events.

Even within a meal time, there are routines: what comes first, what comes next. For example, as a family, do you wait until everyone is seated before eating?

Comprehension Games and Activities

Games can be used to support comprehension, and thus reading.

Add games to your repertoire that promote not only comprehension but word structure, following directions, listening and extending vocabulary.

Recognition Games

These games enable children to look or listen – promoting recognition before memory. As a family or at playgroup, you can play:

• Special Word: agree on a word or a familiar person’s name which everyone will listen for during a conversation. Every time the nominated word is heard, your child claps their hands.
• Magazine image jigsaw puzzle: Cut out simple images from magazines and cut into several pieces. Your child can then put the image back together and tell you what the picture is.
• Description game: Describe in detail an animal your child would be familiar with and see if they can tell you its name.
• Musical statues: Children move while listening to music. When it stops, they freeze as a statue.
• Identifying rhymes: Teach your child nursery rhymes and have them identify the words that rhyme.

Visual Discrimination

• Puzzles: Children focus on colors, shapes and detail within the picture to complete the puzzle.
• Scavenger hunt: Get your child to find objects around the home that have similar characteristics. For example; find objects that are soft, round, green, etc.
•  Memory game: Show your child a picture for them to look at carefully. Remove the picture and ask them to tell you what they remember. You can then discuss anything that may have been missed.

Reading Mechanics

•  Identifying left and right: use a watch or a ring to distinguish left and right hand.
• Simon says: this is the perfect game to promote comprehension. It helps children become familiar with the left and right as well as body parts. You can start by facing the same direction as your child and later face them.
• Calendar: Marking off the days on a calendar gets children familiar with the direction of left-to-right and top-to-bottom.

Vocabulary Expansion

•  Play dough: A fun and interactive activity, with lots of opportunities to facilitate discussion. For example: Let’s make a dog. How many legs does it need? Will our dog have a long tail or a short tail? Is it going to have spots on its belly or on its back?
• Dramatization: Acting out or role-playing songs, rhymes, stories or real-life situations. For example a shop, doctor’s surgery or “Miss Polly had a dolly who was sick, sick, sick. So she phoned for the doctor to come quick, quick, quick. The doctor came with his bag and his hat and he knocked on the door with a ratta-tat-tat.
• He looked at the dolly and he shook his head…” Or “Five little ducks went out one day…”
• Dressing up: this encourages imagination and language use in play.

Following Directions

•  Songs: such as heads, shoulders, knees, and toes.
• Normal Routines of the day: Let’s push our chairs in.
• Simon Says: Children follow very clear directions to be able to participate.

Word Structure

• Syllable Clap: Clap out the beats of your child’s names as well as their friends or family, for example, Me-la-nie.
• Rhyming words: For example, reading books by Dr. Seuss as they have a lot of repetition.

Tablets and the Use of Technology

As new advances are made in computers and tablets, it’s becoming increasingly beneficial to embrace interactive technologies as an aid for reading comprehension.

I see the benefits of technology as two-fold:

1. Aiding children’s reading comprehension.
2. Encouraging competence with technology that will be part of everyday life for this generation.

The International Reading Association (2009) issued its position statement that, in part, read:

To become fully literate in today’s world, students must become proficient in the new literacies of 21st-century technologies. IRA believes that literacy educators have a responsibility to integrate information and communication technologies (ICTs) into the curriculum, to prepare students for the futures they deserve.

Digital, interactive electronic books on tablets and other mobile devices can provide an engaging, self-paced and self-correcting way for children to sharpen their reading comprehension skills.

The use of technology for reading comprehension can require different instructions and elicit diverse responses from children. As an alternate learning and teaching style, it can be potentially very engaging for children who are struggling readers.

One of the most helpful features of using interactive digital devices is the ability to find out the definition and pronunciation of any word on the screen by simply touching it.

These devices also provide a method for physical interaction as children manipulate and transform texts.

Affordable reading activities to do at home

Below are some simple, affordable and fun activities that you can do with your child (or as a family) to encourage reading comprehension. Some are a summary of suggestions outlined in previous chapters and some are new.

• Put your child’s drawing on the fridge to display. Ask them to describe their drawing. If you like, you can write the description on the drawing.
• Make a daily weather picture chart. Cut out pictures of people from clothes catalogs. Each day talk about what the weather will be like and have your child choose a suitable picture to go on the weather chart.
• Visit your local library as often as possible; attend story time sessions.
• Make a food scrapbook using pictures from catalogs. Have your child draw a heart shape near all the foods they have tried and liked and a question mark near the foods they haven’t tried yet.
• Make a shopping list together and ask your child to check whether specific items are nearly empty. When shopping ask questions like: “which milk do we usually have?”
• Play ‘I Spy’ with rhyme, for example: “I spy with my little eye something that rhymes with book”.
• While out and about, look for license plates that have the same letters as in your child’s name.
• Make a photo album or scrapbook with your child and have them tell you what to write about for each photo or picture.
• Find some chalk and together decorate a paved path outside.
• Let your child explore drawing with a stick (or their finger) in different mediums; for example, mud, sand or a plate of sugar.
• Give your child rich and varied experiences; for example, visit the zoo, museums and funfairs.
• Find books about your child’s hobby or interests to read together.
• Allow your child to select books as gifts for friends.
• Cook or make things that involve reading instructions.
• Encourage your child to read words displayed around them, e.g. menus, signs, food packets, TV guides.
• Write messages to your child – put them on the fridge or in their lunch box. Encourage your child to write notes or draw pictures for you in return.
• Allow your child to write the shopping list. When shopping, ask your child to read it to you.
• Have your child write and read letters or emails (ask their grandparents to help out!)
• Use reading as a tool for communication in the house; for example, placing notes to each other on the fridge.
• Read the letters you receive to your child.
• Read incidental materials; for example, labels, cards, recipes, instructions booklets or TV captions.
• Give books as a reward for a job well done or as a gift.

Conclusion

Reading is very possibly the most critical skill that we can teach pre-schoolers – and the younger we introduce them to reading, the better their achievement throughout school and into later life.

Building strong reading comprehension skills during your child’s preschool years will set a foundation for success in future years. But of course we understand that not all children learn the same way. 

I know, you think you hate playing with your child. But what if I gave you permission to set a timer and forget about your To-Do list and just connect with your child for ten minutes? What if I promised that if you do this on a regular basis, your child will become more cooperative, and you will feel more energized? What if it helped you become a happier parent?

Children need to play. It’s their work. All mammals play; it’s their way of learning skills they’ll need when they’re full-grown, from finding food to getting along with others. It’s also the way small humans process their emotions.

All day, every day, children have to manage complicated feelings: Fear (What if there IS something under the bed?), Jealousy (Maybe you do love their sibling more!), Humiliation (The teacher acted like he should already know that, and all the kids laughed!), Panic (What if she doesn’t make it to the bathroom on time?), Anger (It was my turn!), Disappointment (Doesn’t anyone care what I want?!)…. The normal challenges of every day for a growing child of any age stimulate all kinds of feelings. Children release these emotions through play. Laughter, specifically, transforms our body chemistry by reducing stress hormones and increasing bonding hormones.

Kids are more physical than adults. When they get wound up emotionally, their bodies need to discharge all that energy. That’s one of the reasons they have so much more energy than we do, so they wear us out.

But we can use this to our advantage, because when we play physical games with children, they giggle and sweat and scream — and they release the same pent-up stress hormones that they’d otherwise have to tantrum to discharge. Playing is also how kids learn, so when you “teach” an emotional lesson by playing, your child really gets it. Best of all, playing helps parents and kids feel closer.

I realize that at the end of the day you might be exhausted. I personally would much rather snuggle on the couch than initiate an active game. The good news is that these games don’t have to last long — maybe 10 minutes at most, or even as little as 2 minutes.

And believe it or not, most parents find them energizing. That’s because the tension and irritation we carry around makes us tired. When we play, we discharge stress hormones just like our kids, giving us a little more energy as we head into the evening.

So when your child asks you to play, make a deal. Sure, you’ll play dollhouse, or build a train track. But first, will they play a roughhousing game with you for a few minutes? Don’t be surprised if your child loves this kind of play so much, he begins begging for these games over and over.

Here are some ideas to get you started.

When your child is annoying, or in your face.

“Are you out of hugs again? Let’s do something about that!” Grab your child and give her a LONG hug — as long as you can. Don’t loosen your grip until she begins to squirm and then don’t let go immediately. Hug harder and say “I LOVE hugging you! I never want to let go. Promise I can hug you again soon?” Then let go and connect with a big, warm smile, and say “Thank you! I needed that!”

A more intensive version, for when a child has a new sibling, or you’ve been doing a lot of disciplining.

Convince your child on a very deep level that you LOVE him by chasing him, hugging, kissing, then letting him get away and repeating — again and again.

“I need my Michael….You can’t get away…I have to hug you and cover you with kisses….oh, no, you got away…I’m coming after you….I just have to kiss you more and hug you more….You’re too fast for me….But I’ll never give up…I love you too much…I got you….Now I’ll kiss your toes….Oh, no, you’re too strong for me…But I will always want more Michael hugs….”

This is my favorite game, guaranteed to transform your child’s doubt about whether he’s truly loved (and any child who is “misbehaving” harbors that doubt). (I call this the Fix game because it Fixes whatever’s wrong. From a parent: “I’m kind of shocked how much my son is loving the Fix game!? I don’t think I’ve ever heard my son say, “Let’s do it again!” so many times :)”

A stepped-up version involving both parents.

Fight over your child (jokingly), vying to see who can snatch him up and hug him. “I want him!’ No, I want him!” “But I NEED him so much!” No, I need him! You ALWAYS get him!”

When your child is grumpy.

“You seem to be in a NO mood. I have an idea. I want to hear you say NO as much as you want. I will say YES, and you can answer NO in the same tone of voice. So when I say YES in this low voice, you say NO in a low voice. When I say YES in this squeaky voice, you say NO in this squeaky voice. Okay?”

To a child who is getting over-excited or too revved up:

“You have so much energy right now. What can we do with all this energy? Do you want to spin around? Come over here (or outside) with me where it’s safe to spin around, and I’ll spot you.”

Find a safe place where no other kids or parents are there to further stimulate him, and let him spin around, or jump up and down, or run in circles around you — whatever he chooses. When he drops in exhaustion, snuggle him and say

“It’s so much fun to be excited. But sometimes you get over-excited and you need a little help to calm down. Now, let’s take three deep breaths to relax. In through the nose, out through the mouth. 1…..2……3……Good! Do you feel a little calmer? It’s good to know how to calm yourself down. Now, let’s go snuggle by ourselves and read a book for a bit.”

When you and your child seem to be having a lot of power struggles.

Give your child the chance to be the more powerful one and to outsmart and over power a terrible monster — You! Swagger and strut and roar at your child about how you will catch him and show him who’s boss….but when you chase him, always trip and bumble and let him outsmart you or over-power you and get away. Give him a remote and pretend he can make you stop, start, move forward and backward. When she high-fives you, pretend she almost knocked you over. Another version of this is giving your child a feather, or a pillow, to hit you with. Every time he hits you, fall over! Repeat as long as he’s giggling. Acknowledge your child’s formidable power: “You are so strong! You pushed me right over!”

When your child is cheating at a game.

Say “Looks like we have new rules now….But how come you always win?!…I hate losing!” Overdo your role as the “sore loser” so that your child gets to laugh at you.

When your child is super-clingy or has been experiencing separation anxiety.

Cling to your child, being super-exaggerated and silly. “I know you want me to let go so you can go play, but I NEED you! I only want to be with you. PLEASE be with me now?” Keep holding your child’s hand or clinging to her dress. She will like the feeling that SHE is the one in charge of letting go, rather than feeling pushed away. If you act silly enough, she will also giggle and let off some of the tension around good byes. When she definitively pushes you away, say, “It’s ok. I know you will come back. We always come back to each other.”

When your child goes through a stage of only wanting Mommy (or Daddy).

Let the preferred parent sit on the couch. Get between your child and that parent, and boast

“You can’t get to Mommy! You are all mine! Only I get to be with you! I will keep you from getting to Mommy!”

As he tries to get to Mommy, grab at him, but bumble and be unsuccessful. When he reaches Mommy, she laughs, cheers, hugs him and then lets him go. You lament that he got through, but continue to boast and challenge him and try to grab him. Exaggerate your boasting. “You can’t push around me to get to Mommy!” and then bumble and let him push past you. He should giggle and giggle, which means that he is releasing his fears and anxieties.

When your kids are fighting a lot:

When tempers are calm, say “Would you two please fight with each other now?” When they begin to fight, pretend to be a TV commentator. “We’re on the scene tonight watching two sisters who can’t seem to get along! Will they work things out or not? Stay with us while we observe this behavior live! Notice how big sister is bossy, but little sister is provocative! Both girls want the same piece of salami! Can they work this out? Are they smart enough to realize there’s more salami in the fridge? Stay tuned…” Your kids will giggle and let off tension, and get to see how ridiculous they are.

When your child feels like a bottomless pit:

Every day, spend 15 minutes snuggling. Revel in touching your child. Don’t structure this time. Just kiss him on the nose, nuzzle her hair, let him sink into the comfort of your lap. Even if your kid is eight, treat him as if he’s a baby, just beginning to be verbal. Rock him in your arms. Play the physical games you played when she was tiny. Resist tickling, which can make kids feel invaded and out of control. Mostly, just snuggle and lavish attention. If you want some help getting into the mood, look together at old baby pictures: “You were so adorable, almost as adorable as you are now!”

When your child goes through a stage of whining a lot.

Remember that whining is an expression of powerlessness. Refusing to “hear” until they use a “big kid” voice further invalidates them. But of course you don’t want to reward whining by “giving in” to it, either. Instead, express confidence that your child can use her “strong” voice and offer your assistance to help her find it, by making it into a game:

“Hey, where did your strong voice go? It was here a minute ago. I LOVE your strong voice! I’ll help you find it. Help me look. Is it under the chair? No…In the toy box? No…. HEY! You found it!! That was your strong voice!! Yay! I love your strong voice! Now, tell me again what you need, in your strong voice.”

(If this doesn’t work, it’s because your child needs more tenderness and maybe a chance to cry. See the article on whining.)

To help a child fall asleep at night.

Say goodnight to each part of your child’s body, touching each part in turn gently, with a little massage.

“Good night shoulder…good night arm….good night elbow, good night forearm, good night wrist, good night hand, good night fingers.”

Take your time so your child relaxes each part of her body as you “recognize” it. The more you can simply relax and connect with your child, the more you are helping your child be in her own body and be fully present.

When your child has stolen something.

Get him laughing about this by enacting a stuffed animal “stealing” things from all over the room. Meanwhile, the stuffed animal mother is searching for the stolen things– “I can’t find the dog dish anywhere! Wherever did it go?!” Of course, the pile of stolen things is right in front of her. (You’ll still need to have a conversation with your child about how he wishes he could keep what he stole, but it must be returned, and that in the future he can ask you if he wants something. But playing a game like this first will take the shame and anxiety out of the situation for both of you, and will help your child be open to making amends.)

When your child has been screeching or complaining:

Give permission.

“Ok, there’s been so much complaining (or loud screeching)! This is your last chance to complain (screech) for the rest of the day. I’m setting the timer and putting on my earphones. I want you to complain (screech) as loud as you can for the next three minutes. You only have three minutes so make the most of them. After that, we’re all back to normal inside voices. 1, 2, 3, GO!”

To help a child who’s coping with a challenging issue, like the start of school, or playground struggles, or being sick:

Have one stuffed animal be the parent, and one be the child, and act out the situation. Using stuffed animals removes it one step from reality so most kids find it more comfortable, but some children like to actually act the situation out themselves (as opposed to using the proxy of dolls or stuffed animals).

“Let’s pretend we’re in the sandbox and I want your truck but you don’t want to share” or “Let’s pretend you’re the teacher and I’m the student” or “Let’s pretend you’re the doctor and I’m sick.”

Playing out these situations that cause so much stress for kids helps them to feel more in control of their own emotions, and lets them be the powerful one in a situation where they might have felt powerless and humiliated in real life.

To work through a problem that keeps coming up, such as a child who dawdles in the morning or at bedtime.

Sometime on the weekend, grab a mom and baby stuffed animal. Have them act out the morning (or bedtime) routine. Have the little one resist, whine, collapse. Have the mom “lose it” (but don’t scare your child by overdoing it. Have the mom be a funny, incompetent bumbler.) Your child will be fascinated. Then, hand your kid the “mom” and play out the scenario again, with you being the kid. Make it funny so you can both giggle and let off tension. Make sure to include scenarios in which the kid goes to school in his pjs, or the mom goes to work in her pjs, or the kid has to yell at the mom to hurry up and get ready, or the mom says

“Who cares about that meeting? Let’s tell the boss it’s more important to find your toy car!”

Give him in fantasy what he can’t have in reality. You may learn something about how to make things work better. Almost certainly, you’ll see more understanding and cooperation from your child on Monday. At the very least, you’ll defuse the tension get a great chance to see how your kid perceives you!

To reconnect.

Start a pillow fight, or a snowball fight, or a wrestling game in which you take each other’s socks off (an excuse for hugs). Or give your child a pillow to hold, and try to steal it from her. Always let your child win. Kids need to rough house. You might even find you like it too!

As long as your child is laughing, that game is working to alleviate anxiety and increase well-being. Don’t be surprised if your child wants to play these games over and over. They relieve stress, help your child master emotion — and believe it or not, they’re fun!

*These are games I often recommend to parents, and while I have adapted them over the years, I didn’t invent them. Some originated from the rich tradition of play therapy or were invented by my clients; some were inspired by the work of Lawrence Cohen (Playful Parenting), Becky Bailey (I Love You Rituals), Patty Wipfler (Hand in Hand Parenting) and Aletha Solter (Attachment Play.) For more ideas on using play to connect with kids and help them resolve challenges, I highly recommend their books, below.

Kids who are starting school for the first time or moving to a new school have to cope with the biggest adjustment, but even moving up a grade means facing more academic demands, a new teacher, and a changing social circle. The good news is that a little bit of preparation and forethought–a very little bit, so you can enjoy these last weeks of summer!–can make those first weeks of school easier for your kids – and yourself.

Here’s how:

1. Make sure your child is familiar with the school.

If she was at the same school last year, great! You only need to talk about any differences this year.

• “Now that you’re in first grade, you get to play on the big kids playground, and go eat in the lunchroom with the other kids.”
• “Now that you’ll be in third grade, you’ll have homework every day.”
• “Now that you’ll be in middle school, you’ll be walking by yourself. We’ll need to practice crossing Main Street.”

But if this is her first year at this school, then you’ll want to take some trips there. Even if there is a formal orientation day just before school begins, start now by taking a trip to the school. If you can get access to the playground, that’s a terrific way to help your child bond with her new school. If not, at least admire it through the fence and get her excited about the slide or climbing structure.

If the building is open, by all means walk in together to check it out. If you’re allowed to poke your head in the library, peer into a classroom or two, and use the bathroom (important in making her feel more secure there) you’ve hit the jackpot. You may not get much further than the office, where you can explain that your child will be starting school in the fall and wanted to see what the school was like, and introduce her to the front office staff. Either way, the more your child sees of the school, the less she’ll fret with fear of the unknown, and the more comfortable she’ll feel on the first day.

2. Take advantage of any orientation opportunities.

Many schools let new students, especially in the younger grades, come to school for an orientation session before school begins. If the school doesn’t have such a program, ask if you and your child can come by to meet the new teacher for a few minutes a day or so before school starts. Teachers are busy preparing their rooms and materials at that time, but any experienced teacher is happy to take a few minutes to meet a new student and make him feel comfortable, since she knows that helps her students settle into the school year.

3. Facilitate your child’s bonding with the teacher.

All kids need to feel connected to their teacher to feel comfortable in the classroom. Until they do, they are not ready to learn. Experienced teachers know this, and “collect” their students emotionally at the start of the school year. Obviously, if you can arrange for your child to meet the teacher in advance, by all means do so. But there are lots of ways to help your child feel like he knows even a teacher he’s never met.

Once you find out your child’s classroom assignment, begin talking about the teacher in fond and familiar terms.

“When you’re in Ms. Williams class, I bet she’ll be impressed with what a great cleaner-upper you are.” “I’m pretty sure that Ms. Williams reads stories to the kids; she might read your favorite book if we bring it to school.”

If you can find a photo of Ms. Williams, by all means put it up on your refrigerator and speak to it fondly

“Ms. Williams, you are a great kindergarten teacher and I just know you and my David are going to love each other!”

If you know other kids who have been in Ms. Williams’ class, ask them to tell your child what their favorite thing was about her.

Encourage your child to draw a picture to bring Ms. Williams on the first day, and to pick out a shiny red apple for her. Note that it doesn’t really matter what kind of teacher Ms. Williams is. Your child will feel a fondness for her to which she is likely to respond favorably. Regardless, the feeling of familiarity will help your child bond with her.

If you notice in the first week of school that your child doesn’t seem to have connected with his teacher, don’t hesitate to immediately contact her. Just explain that your child was excited before school started but doesn’t seem to have settled in yet. You’re hoping that the teacher can make a special effort to reach out to him so he connects with her and feels at home. Virtually all teachers understand this issue and will pay extra attention to your child during that first week if you make a nice request. My own daughter cried every day at the start of fourth grade until I had a conversation with the teacher; a week later she loved him and couldn’t wait to go to school in the morning.

4. Facilitate bonding with the other kids.

Kids are always nervous about their new teacher, but if they know any of the other kids, they’ll feel more at ease. If you’re new in town, make a special effort to meet other kids in the neighborhood. Often schools are willing to introduce new families to each other, allowing kids to connect with other new students in the weeks before school starts. Even if your child is not new to the school, find out what other kids are in her class and arrange a playdate so she’ll feel more connected if she hasn’t seen these kids all summer. If you can arrange for your son or daughter to travel to school that first morning with a child he or she knows, even if they aren’t in the same classroom, it will ease last minute jitters.

5. Practice saying goodbye.

For many children, the biggest challenge will be saying goodbye to you. Orchestrate small separations to practice saying goodbye, and develop a parting routine, such as a hug and a saying like

“I love you, you love me, have a great day and I’ll see you at 3!”

You might give your child a token to hold on to that reminds her of you, such as a cut-out heart with a love note, your scarf, or a small stone you found on the beach together, that she can keep in her pocket while you’re apart and give back upon your return. Most kids like to have a picture of the family in their backpacks. Be sure to use the suggestions above for helping her bond with her new teacher; she needs to transfer her attachment focus from you to the teacher if she is to successfully let you go.

6. Ask the school whether you will be able to walk your child into the classroom and hand him off to the teacher.

Find out how long you will be able to stay. If you suspect that your child might have a hard time saying goodbye, by all means speak with the teacher now and make a plan for how to handle the first day. Maybe every morning you will read your child one story and then take her over to the teacher when you say goodbye, so the teacher can comfort and distract her.

Once you have a plan, begin describing to your child what will happen at school. But don’t emphasize the goodbye, keep right on going with how fun the day will be:

“Every morning you will pick a book for me to read to you. When we finish the story, we will find Ms. Williams together. We’ll give each other a big hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will hold your hand and take you to the block corner where you and Michael can build a tall tower while I go to work. You will have snack, and play outside, and read stories, and have lunch. Every day when I pick you up I will be excited to hear what you built in the block corner that day.”

7. Start conversations about the next grade at school or about beginning school.

One good way to do this is to select books relating to that grade. Your librarian can be helpful; some good choices include books by Alan & Janet Ahlberg, Stan & Jan Berenstain, Dianne Blomberg, Marc Brown, Lauren Child, Julie Danneberg, Bonnie Graves, James Howe, Beth Norling, Marisabina Russo, and Amy Schwartz.

Get your kids excited by talking about what they can expect, including snack, playground, reading, computers, singing and art. If you know other children who will be in his class or in the school, be sure to mention that he will see or play with them. Share your own stories about things you loved about school.

Encourage her questions by asking what she thinks school will be like. That will help her to express any fears she hasn’t articulated, but that are making her nervous. Emphasize the things you think she’ll enjoy but be sure not to minimize her fears; kids can be stricken by worries that adults might find silly, like finding the bathroom at school. Normalize any fears and reassure her that she will have fun, that the school can reach you if necessary, and that your love is always with her even when you aren’t. Be sure to end every conversation with “and when school is over I will be there to pick you up and we’ll have a special snack while you tell me all about your day” so that every time your child thinks about school, she remembers this reassurance.

8. If a younger sibling will be at home with you

If a younger sibling will be at home with you, be sure your child knows how boring it will be at home and how jealous you and the younger sibling are that you don’t get to go to school like a big kid. Explain that every day after school you will have special time with your big girl to hear all about her day and have a snack together.

9. Get your kids back on an early to bed schedule well before school starts.

Most kids begin staying up late in the summer months. But if you have to wake your child for school in the morning, then your child has not had enough sleep. Children need 9 1/2 to 11 hours of sleep a night, depending on their age and individual physiology. (Teens need a minimum of 9.5 hours; toddlers usually do best with 11 hours). Getting kids back on schedule so they’re sound asleep by 9pm, so they can wake by themselves at 7am for school takes a couple of weeks of gradually moving the bedtime earlier.

Imposing an early bedtime cold turkey the night before school starts results in a child who simply isn’t ready for an earlier bedtime, having slept in that morning and with the night-before-school jitters. In that situation, you can expect everyone’s anxiety to escalate. So keep an eye on the calendar and start moving bedtime a bit earlier every night by having kids read in bed for an hour before lights out, which is also good for their reading skills.

10. Wake up your child’s brain.

You aren’t the teacher, and you don’t need to start school before the school year starts by pulling out the flashcards or assigning math problems. On the other hand, research shows that kids forget a lot during the summer. (Don’t worry, they learn a lot from playing, too.) If your child has been reading through the summer months, congratulations! If not, this is the time to start. Visit the library and let him pick some books he’ll enjoy. Introduce the idea that for the rest of the summer everyone in the family (you can include yourself if you like, or you can read to them) will read for an hour every day.

And if your child has assignments to complete, don’t wait for him to remember the day before school starts that he was supposed to write a book report. Finish summer work at least a week before school starts, so he can relax for the rest of vacation.

11. Let your child choose his own school supplies…

…whether from around your house or from the store, and ready them in his backpack or bag.

12. The day before school starts, talk about exactly what will happen the next day…

…to give your child a comfortable mental movie:

“We’ll get up early tomorrow for your first day in Ms. Williams’ class. We will drive there together and I will take you into her classroom and introduce you to her. She will make sure you know all the other kids, because they will be your new friends. I will read a book to you and then we will hug and say our special goodbye. Then Ms. Williams will take you to the block corner so you can build a tower. Ms. Williams will show you where the bathroom is, and you can ask her anytime you need to go. There will be games and books and blocks, and she will read to the class. You will get to have fun on the playground with the other kids, and you will get to sit at a desk like the big kids. And at the end of the day, Ms. Williams will bring you to me on the school steps, and I will be there to pick you up and hear all about your first day at school.”

Be alert for signs that your child is worried, and reflect that most kids are a little nervous before the first day of school, but that he will feel right at home in his new classroom soon.

13. Get yourself to bed early the night before school…

…so you can get up early enough to deal calmly with any last minute crises. Be sure kids – including teens! – lay out clothes the night before, that lunches are made, and that everyone gets enough sleep and a healthy breakfast. Plan to arrive at school early so you have time for meaningful goodbyes. And don’t forget that “first day of school” photo before you leave home!

14. If your child gets teary when you say goodbye

If your child gets teary when you say goodbye, reassure her that she will be fine and that you can’t wait to see her at the end of the day. Use the goodbye routine you’ve practiced, and then hand her off to her teacher. Don’t leave her adrift without a new attachment person, but once you’ve put her in good hands, don’t worry. Experienced teachers know about first day jitters and are used to bonding with their charges. Her tears won’t last long. If your child continues to have a hard time separating, be sure to speak with the teacher. Maybe she can give her a special job every morning, or facilitate a friendship with another child who has similar interests.

15. Make sure you’re a few minutes early to pick your child up that first week of school.

Not seeing you immediately will exacerbate any anxieties he has and may panic him altogether. If your child cries when you pick him up, don’t worry. You’re seeing the stress of his having to keep it together all day and be a big boy. Your return signals that it’s safe to be his babyself again, take it as a compliment.

This is true for kids of all ages, who may have uncharacteristic meltdowns during the first week of school, or just before school starts. Chalk it up to stress, don’t be hard on them, and be sure you’re there to talk so they don’t have to resort to tantrums. Before you know it everyone will be comfortable in their new routine and not even looking back as they race into school.

Children Love to Learn

• Open and honest communication will create a lifelong closeness with your child.
• Routines and responsibilities will let your child know what to expect. When a rule is broken, a natural consequence needs to follow.
• As you teach your child how to be independent, you also need to teach how to be safe.
• Learning how to be a good friend is an important skill you can teach your child.
• Your little one is starting to explore the world outside your home. This is exciting, but can be scary!

Children from 4 to 6 years old are:

• Beginning to develop their independence and form real friendships.
• Learning rules to more difficult games.
• Developing important life skills.

Set Limits

When children do something against the rules, explain simply and in a few words:

• That what they did was wrong
• What will happen if the behavior continues Consequences need to be logical, meaningful, and simple. For example:
  • If your child rides a bike without a helmet, the bike is off limits for a day or two.
  • When your child won’t share a toy, that toy can’t be used for the rest of the day.

Create and Keep Routines

Teach about rules by setting up daily routines.

Children do best when they know what to expect.

In the morning:

• Use the bathroom
• Get dressed
• Have breakfast

At bedtime:

• Take a bath
• Brush teeth
• Read a story

Schedule specific times for TV, video games, and use of the computer. When you know what your child is watching, you can avoid violence and other unacceptable content. Limit “total screen time” to no more than 2 hours a day.

Read at bedtime. This helps your child:

• Settle down after a busy day
• Learn how to read

Have meals together as much as possible.

This is a great way to spend time together and share family traditions, while also teaching good eating habits and table manners.

Take Time to Talk and Listen

Children feel important when adults take the time to talk with them. Talking often, and about many things, helps them gain self-confidence. Ask about friendships and the activities that your child enjoys. Talk about your own best and worst experiences.

Ask your child:

• “What was the best part of today?”
• “What was the hardest part of today?”

Let your child know that it’s OK to have and talk about negative feelings. Share the best and hard parts of your day. This teaches your child that we all have ups and downs.

Assign Responsibility

When young children copy everyday household tasks, they are really learning how to contribute. With your support, tasks will soon be done with few reminders. As children grow older, they can begin to take on real responsibilities, such as:

• Setting the table
• Putting away their toys
• Feeding the pets
• Placing dirty clothes in a basket

Watch your child’s self-esteem grow when given the chance to help out.

Encourage Independence in Bathing and Dressing

At first, this may take a little more time than helping your child get dressed or take a bath, but

it is time well spent. Independence comes with practice, and with your guidance.

If you get the clothes ready the night before, the morning routine will involve only getting dressed. This way, your child can focus on just one thing. Your child may need to be reminded of all the steps.

1. “In the morning, when you get up,
2. First, use the bathroom,
3. Then, take off your PJs,
4. And then, put on your clothes.”

Praise your child’s efforts and successes:

“You did a great job getting yourself ready for school today!”

Teach Simple Rules About Safety with Adults

Keeping children safe is an important job for parents. You want your child to respect and trust others, but you also need to teach your child to be careful. Following are some simple rules and ways that you can start a conversation with your child about different safety issues.

• “If you’re not sure, ask me.”
• “If an adult asks you to do something that you’re not sure is OK, always ask me first. I won’t get mad at you for asking.”
• “No secrets.”
• “No one should ever tell you to keep a secret from me—one that might make me mad if I found out. Adults should never expect you to do this.”
• “Certain body parts are private.”
• “No adults (except parents, doctors, and nurses) should touch you where you normally wear a bathing suit.”
• “If we get separated, find a security guard or police officer.”
• “This is a very busy place. If you can’t find me, find a security guard or police officer, or ask someone to help you find one. That person will help you find me.”
• When you take your child to a crowded place, look around and point out the person who is there to help if you do become separated.

Help Your Child Become a Good Friend

Four- to six-year-olds are learning what it means to be a friend. They will have fun times as well as arguments and hurt feelings. It can be tempting for parents to try to solve these problems themselves or by talking with the other child’s parent.  Instead, guide your child to solve problems. With your help, your child can learn how to solve social problems.

1. Help your child understand the other child’s point of view. “I guess Suzie wants a turn too.”
2. Teach your child the following:
   • Stay calm
   • Do not hit, grab, or shove
3. Use words:
   • “I get upset when you talk to me like that.”
   • “I’m sad you don’t want to play with me.”
   • “I’m angry you took the ball from me.”
4. Stand close by and watch as the children solve their problem. Being close by puts the children on their best  behavior. This is how they begin to develop the confidence and skills to communicate honestly, calmly, and politely with others.

Some people think that preschoolers should be able to put themselves to bed, and maybe there are some four-year-olds, somewhere, who do. But 99% of kids five and under need a couple of hours of calming downtime that includes dinner at home, and then a full-blown bedtime routine, with storytime and snuggling, in order to fall asleep easily at night.

After that, whether the parent can walk out of the room and let the child fall asleep on his own, or has to lie down with the child, will depend on three factors:

1. Whether you got lucky and this child falls asleep easily by himself.
2. Whether you have “taught” this child to put himself to sleep.
3. Whether your child is relaxed or has a full backpack of stress and unfinished emotions from his day.

How to get your child to stay in bed?

Create safety.

It is completely normal for young children to have fears and worries. Sure, you know they’re safe in bed, but they don’t necessarily feel that way. They’re little people in a big, scary world. If you’re not there to keep them safe, they can easily feel frightened, alone in the dark. And all kids build up an emotional backpack of small fears and upsets throughout their day. As they close their eyes at night, those feelings they’ve been fending off can swamp them and make them too anxious to settle into sleep.

So if your child expresses fear, listen and acknowledge. Don’t ridicule or tell him to grow up. (He’s a little kid, remember?) Don’t offer rational arguments; fears aren’t rational and your child will stay frightened. What he needs is your support to feel safer. Say “I hear you’re worried about monsters…That can be scary…Let’s do something about that.”

If your child is afraid of “Monsters”

If your child is afraid of “Monsters” empower her by making some “Monster Spray” that she can spray around the room. All you need is lavender and water; some people add glitter, and glycerin will keep the glitter suspended in the bottle to make it more magical. Be sure to label the bottle so it looks powerful: “Do not use around monsters. Will make monsters disappear.” Or get a broom and sweep the monsters out of the closet together, and put them in the trashcan, and take it out of your child’s room.

These approaches work because they respond to the level of fear, rather than just denying it. But be light about the whole process, rather than grim. You want to communicate to your child that this is not an emergency, but rather a small challenge that you can support her to solve. Talk to the monsters in a powerful way that puts them in their place: “Monsters aren’t allowed in Samantha’s bedroom…You monsters know better than this…Time to go now!”

Use play to diminish anxiety earlier in the evening.

Help your child work through those anxieties by roughhousing in a way that gets your child laughing for ten minutes. You can let him be a scary monster and act frightened in a goofy way, or you can just get him laughing out his fears indirectly, by being a bucking bronco. Don’t do this right before bed, or it will wind your child up. After dinner is a good time, followed by a bath and story to calm down.

Teach relaxation techniques.

Just as some adults have a harder time getting to sleep at night, so do some children. Help your child learn to relax into sleep. For some kids, music helps. Others like to listen to a guided meditation that teaches them to breathe deeply. You can also teach your child to inhale deeply and then exhale slowly and fully, which downshifts the body’s alert systems.

Make sure the bed feels cozy, and add a rail.

Kids will settle better in a bed where they feel safe and secure. So a toddler bed low to the ground, or a single mattress on the floor, with a partial rail, will help them relax. By contrast, a bed high off the ground, or a double bed, can make kids restless.

Stick to a routine

Stick to a routine, since the same order of things every night increases your child’s sense of safety.

Regulate your own emotions.

It’s natural to get frustrated when you just want your child to sleep, but yelling at him will make him feel less safe, and undermine your efforts to help him enjoy settling into his bed.

Offer to check on her.

If your child knows that you will come to look in on her in five minutes, and then again in five more minutes, she is much more likely to be able to settle into sleep. Tell her you won’t say anything, you will just come check. And then do it. Just pause in the door. She will probably be waiting for you to come and will notice your presence. Helping her feel secure this way might be all she needs, and you can gradually ease out of it.

Don’t let the habit of getting up get started.

Use the process of helping your child learn to fall asleep that’s outlined on the Toddlers and Sleep page.

If your child does get up, be matter of fact but boring as you return your child to his bed.

“It’s time to sleep…I will be right here…you are safe in your bed.”

If your child is afraid night after night,

If your child is afraid night after night, encourage him to draw what he’s afraid of. This helps him master it. You can even help him talk to the monster, or whatever he draws: “No monsters allowed in my room. You have to sleep outside our house!”

If she gets up repeatedly, give her one “Get Out of Bed Free” card, every night.

She can use it that night or save it for when she really needs it. This reassures her that if she really needs to go find you, she can. Many kids prefer to save these cards, though, and it stops the habit of getting up.

Many, many preschoolers wake up at night. Many spend all or part of the night, most nights, in their parents’ beds. There’s no shame in that if it’s your preference. Biologically speaking, it’s normal for three and four-year-olds to sleep cuddled up with a parent or sibling. But if you do want to teach your child to sleep in his own bed, it is certainly possible at this age.

For full step by step suggestions on teaching your child to fall asleep by himself. And then you can indulge yourself in feeling lucky for a moment because Preschoolers find it easier to learn to fall asleep without their parents than toddlers do. Aren’t you glad you waited?

Preschoolers are explorers, scientists, artists, and experimenters. They’re experiential learners, so they keep pushing on limits to find out what’s solid. They’re still learning how to be friends, how to engage with the world, and how to control their bodies, emotions, and minds. With a little help from you, these years will build a secure and unlimited foundation for your son or daughter’s entire childhood.

What Your Preschooler Needs to Thrive:

1. Structure.

Regular routines help kids feel safe and are vital for preschoolers, who grapple with big fears on a daily basis. The world is chaotic and scary to them; their household should be predictable. A calm, orderly and fun atmosphere, with regular meal and bedtime routines, will produce happier children who have the internal resources to meet daily developmental challenges. No, that doesn’t mean you need to be rigid. But your child does need to know what to expect.

2. Enough sleep.

Preschoolers may resist bedtime, but without sufficient sleep, three to five-year-olds simply do not have the resourcefulness to cope with the demands of their day. Develop a regular routine that helps her wind down and start relaxing well before bedtime. When he gives up his nap, be sure he still gets some downtime to rest every day.

3. Control over her own food intake.

You decide what food is accessible in your house, but your child needs the responsibility to decide how much she eats. Remember that children need frequent small meals, and if you don’t provide that, they’ll end up snacking all day. If you always provide a variety of healthy food, you can feel comfortable letting them choose which foods they eat and how much.

Worried about a picky eater? Serve a variety of healthy foods and avoid power struggles; your child will eventually enlarge her choices as her taste buds mature. As long as sweets aren’t available (except as rare — not daily — treats), preschoolers will naturally choose healthy foods that meet their physical needs, over a period of time. Never set up a clean plate as the goal; instead, when they say they’re done, ask them how their body feels. (Obesity starts in preschool!) If you’re bothered by throwing the food away, ask yourself why not wasting food is more important than your child’s future physical health and body image?

4. Help with Emotions.

While your child may no longer have frequent tantrums, he still has big feelings, and he still needs you to “listen” to those feelings on a regular basis. All kids need daily laughter to vent the anxieties that inevitably build up in a small person grappling to manage herself in a big, often overwhelming world, so be sure to build daily roughhousing into your schedule.

And you can expect your preschooler to sometimes express his needs as an attack, meaning that a child who is hurting may well yell “I hate you; I want a new Mom!” Don’t take it personally. Instead, empathize even while you set limits. “You must be so upset to speak to me that way…I guess you’re very disappointed…You really wanted to, and I said No….I’m sorry this is so hard, Sweetie.”

5. Empathic limits.

If you want well-behaved kids, resist any impulse to punish. Kids this age need guidance and limits, because they are actively learning the rules and how the world works, and naturally, they will test to see just where those limits are. Remember, though, that their brains are still developing. They get flooded with emotion very easily. When you set limits, they get upset, partly because they want what they want, but partly because they worry about your disapproval. It helps them to calm themselves if you empathize with their disappointment or anger. Doing this now will help them learn to control their own emotions over time, and to maintain their equilibrium in the face of upsets as they get older. Research shows that when young children are punished, their behavior actually worsens.  Instead, set limits and empathize with feelings to help your child WANT to behave. This helps him develop self-discipline, rather than relying on you to regulate him.

6. Interaction time with parents.

Your preschooler’s brain is experiencing rapid growth and consolidation, both in learning facts and in learning emotional self-regulation. Lots of intimate time with physically and emotionally affectionate parents is critical for your preschooler’s emotional — and even brain — development. This means what psychologists call “Floor Time,” which is getting down on his level to work together building that train track or tower. The point isn’t the intellectual work of the building, but the emotional connection you make over it — and the nurturing support you offer when the project inevitably runs into snags. Daily, unstructured “Special Time” with your child during which you let your child take the lead will build your relationship. If you can’t bear one more game of superhero or dollhouse, offer your child “Cozy Time” instead. Just snuggle up on the couch with a pile of books for a lazy half hour, and make sure you take plenty of time out to talk about what you’re reading, or about her day.

7. To be Heard.

Preschoolers are famous for asking questions, from the incessant “WHY?” to badgering parents to change their minds about a limit. This can drive a parent crazy unless you look under the surface at the reason for the question. Your child wants more than information; he wants to feel heard, to be acknowledged, to tell you what he thinks, to weave together his world view with your help, and to have you respond to the turbulent emotions that often threaten to overwhelm his emerging intellectual control. When your child pesters you with WHY? questions and doesn’t seem satisfied with your answers so she keeps on asking, turn it around and ask her the question.

8. Help in learning to express herself without whining.

Whining can drive even the most patient parent crazy. But whining is a signal that your child needs help, either in processing emotions that are weighing on her or in meeting other needs. She’s not just trying to get her way; she’s expressing the need all preschoolers have to begin to master their environment by asserting some control. Luckily, there are some secrets to stop your child from Whining.

9. Social Time.

Preschoolers are biologically designed to look up to older kids. In the tribal cultures natural to humans, young children who are old enough to leave the parent tag along with the big kids and learn social skills. Since our children are usually in groups of same-age peers, they often need adult help and modeling to learn to “take turns” or refrain from bossiness. Four-year-olds are experimenting with appropriate use of power, so they’re famous for bossiness and even bullying. Don’t feel bad about stepping in at the playground to model appropriate social behavior. How else are they supposed to learn?

10. Downtime.

Everything is stimulating to your preschooler, from seeing the dump truck on the street to the candy in the grocery store. While play dates and field trips stimulate his emotional and intellectual development, he needs substantial unstructured time at home to simply play and regroup in the safety of his cozy home base, where he can let his hair down and take a deep breath in a quiet place.

Parents of preschoolers in our culture face a big challenge. Most three, four and five-year-olds don’t have lots of siblings or cousins readily accessible to play with, and they can’t read yet. Parents have other things to do. How to keep kids constructively occupied?

Many parents solve this by letting their kids spend many of their awake hours watching TV or playing with an Ipad. Because preschoolers’ brains are still in a critical developmental phase, engaging with screens changes the way their brains develop, literally shortening their attention spans for life. Screens are also so easy to use that kids who come to depend on them for fun are less likely to become motivated readers. What’s more, creating this habit early in life deprives children of the essential skill of structuring their own time. But there are alternatives to screen time for your kids, and the good news is that once kids get used to structure their own time, they’ll be much less interested in screens.

11. School

Children three and older usually thrive at school, and for most of them, it is preferable to a full day at home with a parent or caregiver. But we need to remember that kids under the age of five have to work very hard to hold it together in a group setting. Their cortisol levels — that’s the stress hormone — become elevated when they stay at school in the afternoon, compared to children who go home after lunch, indicating that they’re under stress. Happily, this effect is much less pronounced in settings where the caretakers are stable and the child feels connected, so it’s worth the effort to be sure your child feels “at home” at her school.

A 4-year-old and a teacher in training play with shape blocks in a Seattle pre-kindergarten class. Research from Oregon State University says teachers and parents can use simple games to help children build self-regulation skills and lay a solid foundation for academic success.

The best predictor of kids’ academic success might not be how many letters they recognize by age 3 or how high they can count by age 4, but how willing they are to persist at challenging tasks and how well they plan ahead, pay attention, remember and follow instructions, and control their impulses and emotions.

These so-called executive functions, also known collectively as self-regulation or self-control, have long been considered a key life skill. Self-control is among seven essential life skills taught to children in the national Mind in the Making project, and the importance of self-regulation is a key theme in “Age of Opportunity,” a book about the adolescent brain published in September by Laurence Steinberg, a Temple University psychology professor who is a leading expert on adolescence.

Now an Oregon State University study published in the current issue of Early Childhood Research Quarterly indicates that self-regulation can be taught to children as young as preschool age and that such intervention can produce gains in areas such as math achievement, with the most disadvantaged kids making the biggest gains.

Megan McClelland, the Katherine E. Smith Endowed Professor in Child Development at Oregon State and a co-author of the study, said a person’s self-regulation skills can help predict his or her likelihood of college completion and adult criminality, as well as his or her health and wealth outcomes – even when adjusting for factors such as innate intelligence and parents’ educational levels.

That, McClelland said, has led researchers to wonder: If self-regulation skills are prophetic, “then are they malleable? … Is there something we can do to help kids get these skills?”

“We get so caught up in being worried about whether our kids know their numbers and letters,” she said, that “sometimes we lose sight of these really important foundational skills that really then provide the opportunity for children to take in all that academic content and work with it in more effective ways.”

In the Oregon State study, “Strengthening school readiness for Head Start children: Evaluation of a self-regulation intervention,” researchers tested ways to help children practice self-regulation skills “in fun ways that keep them engaged and actually increase in what we call cognitive complexity,” McClelland said.

Over eight-week periods, researchers visited 276 children in 14 Head Start classrooms twice a week, for 20 to 30 minutes each time, to play games that began simply but became gradually more complex in ways “that required kids to really practice controlling their behavior,” McClelland said. For example, the researchers might reverse the rules, so that red meant “go” and green meant “stop,” or change the rules in the middle of an activity so that kids had to switch from sorting by shape to sorting by color.

The researchers and the Head Start teachers then assessed the children and found “improved gains over the school year in their ability to pay attention, self-regulate their behavior and follow directions and remember instruction,” McClelland said, with the effects being “biggest for the most disadvantaged kids.”

One result that stood out in particular, McClelland said, was a big jump in math skills for the most disadvantaged English Language Learners. But the result wasn’t “super surprising,” she added because self-regulation skills are key to math, which requires taking multiple steps, paying attention and persisting when the going gets tough.

Though the Oregon State study had several caveats, including that it was done only inside Head Start classrooms in the Pacific Northwest, McClelland said the basic intervention is valid elsewhere.

For example, teachers in Fairfax County Public Schools in Virginia, one of the nation’s largest school districts with nearly 187,000 students – roughly four times the size of Portland Public Schools – used the self-regulation techniques in a summer “Bridge to Kindergarten” program that enrolled 1,500 low-income children. The researchers got “nice evidence” that the Virginia teachers found the techniques easy to incorporate and saw “some positive impacts,” McClelland said.

And while the researchers haven’t tested their intervention with older children, there’s evidence that increasingly complex activities that require kids to stay focused can be effective for them as well, McClelland said, citing tai chi and other martial arts in particular.

When it comes to her own children, who are 3 and 6, McClelland said she often plays a musical version of freeze tag at home: She puts on slow or fast music and everyone dances at a matching tempo, and then she reverses the rules, saying, “Now when the slow music comes on, you have to dance fast.”

“They love it,” she said.

McClelland also recommended the Seattle-based Vroom campaign, funded by the Bezos Family Foundation, which offers parents “brain-building” tips and a mobile app in English and Spanish.

Self-esteem plays a significant role in the development of healthy children. Children with high self-esteem generally become more successful in life. Unfortunately, the outcomes for children with low self-esteem can be quite poor. As a parent, your child’s self-esteem is largely your responsibility. There is a lot you can do to help your child to feel confident and competent.

Children with high self-esteem have the confidence to try new activities and feel a sense of pride in their accomplishments. While it’s never pleasant to fail, these kids possess the emotional ability to withstand lack of success, as well as maintain the courage to try again.

Kids with low self-esteem are self-critical and have difficulty being positive when making mistakes. This may lead to the child not being able to try again, or refusing the next opportunity to be successful.

Children can be sensitive and have a peer group that can be quite harsh, so as a parent, what you do at home matters tremendously. It’s critical that your child possesses a healthy reserve of self-esteem, which will also serve as a buffer to survive the unpleasantness of other kids.

Give your child the best chance to thrive and be happy.

Use the following strategies to help your child feel good about themselves:

1. Love your child unconditionally. Every child should believe that no matter what they do—success or failure— their parents still love them and will continue to be there for them.

• Consider the impact it has on a child’s self-esteem when they believe they’re only loved when they behave a certain way or achieve a specific result.

2. Help your child to set achievable goals. Few things are more beneficial to self-esteem than success. Work with your child to establish these goals.

• Begin with goals that are very easy to accomplish. Give your child a taste of success and the confidence boost that goes along with it.
• For example, a good goal for a young child might be to clean their room.

3. Encourage persistence. Success and persistence go hand-in-hand. Find courage in your child to be persistent, and you are showing them how to be successful.

• Praise your child when they stick with a difficult challenge and don’t give up.
• One way you can help your child is to set a good example. Demonstrate what it means to persevere.

4. Give your child choices. It’s hard to have self-esteem when you don’t have any control over your life. To provide a sense of self-control, give your child choices. This can be as simple as giving them two options for lunch or allowing them to choose what shoes they wear that day.

5. Discourage perfection. Discourage your child from attempting to be perfect—a game that no one can win. Your child’s self-esteem will suffer when they realize that they can never be perfect.

• Show your child that you value effort and progress. These are actions that anyone can achieve.

6. Avoid over-praising. Your child knows when your praise is excessive. Give praise when recognition is due. Also, praise your child for making a good effort. It should be noted that excessive praise has been shown to hurt a child’s confidence rather than boost it.

7. Allow your child to overhear you complimenting them. A child gets a big boost to their self-esteem when they hear a parent praising them to another adult.

• Your children are always watching you. Use that to your advantage.

8. Take good care of yourself. Taking good care of yourself shows your child that you’re important. They will believe that they’re important and should take care of themselves as well. You can model how to make themselves a priority.

There’s no doubt that a child with high self-esteem is happier and more confident. We want the best for our children, so it’s our responsibility to help lead our children down this path.

What we do at home can have a significant impact on our children’s future. Teach your children to love and believe in themselves, and they’ll reap the benefits throughout their entire lives.